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[Monday
December 26th, 2011 at 12:02am] |
Walked my sister and friend Bryan threw a mini-tester of my artist workshop where I showed them how to draw a persons face in proper proportion and also a person standing. I feel like I rushed threw parts and stumbled on others cause I was nervous and honestly a bit unprepared to get into that around 11pm after a night of hanging out and D&D. It was worth it in the end, and I even had a quick walk threw of how to draw a persons hand that came off the top of my head after my sister asked how to do that. Can't ignore my students or my sisters commands!
Christmas has been...hectic. I don't like holidays. The over socialization with people who for the most part don't remember I'm in the room bothers me. I'm also worried about my health a bit and that's been weighing on my mind quite heavily ever since I moved back my appointment.
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| There's nothing wrong with eating lunch meat on it's own. |
[Tuesday
December 20th, 2011 at 4:45am] |
I miss Jay sleeping at a separate time then me, the late hours of the morning used to be my time and I didn't have someone near me to make me feel awkward about typing or drawing whatever came to mind. I feel censored and I doubt he even knows.
I'm trying to setup an artist workshop. 3-6hours in which I will try to cover everything that I wished I knew before college, focusing on proportion, pose, expression, world and character building, and so much more. Working in a way that allows a person to grow their own style with whatever medium they chose. Most of my family doesn't understand and I don't feel like there's a lot of support cause of this. Mostly I hear 'that's cool' and then people go on about their own things. I guess, I'd just like a bit more input.
Working on my comic still; want to have the first few pages finished and just need Mat to email me back with stuff to fill the boys messy room with and then setup a trip to Ottawa so we can work out the next bunch of pages. We are very good at doing that together.
I pushed back my appointment to talk with a surgeon to April so that I have more time to get the results from testing in Toronto to the Doctor handling me and make sure this is the right step. I'm nervous about pushing it back so far, though it was really the first appointment they had and I pushed it back so I could afford to go.
We got a roommate named Alex. She's messy, takes up way to much space, and generally pet rocks are smarter then her and not a good fit so she's getting the boot. She knows this and is looking for a new place or better be cause I'll start posting 'room for rent' ads on her door if it takes too long. I'm tired of worrying about her feeding our pets stuff and that she'd set fire to the house trying to cook something.
So there, I've updated.
My tumblr is a lot more full of joy and sunshine, but personally I'm just very nervous about my health and future projects are being frustrating and wish I had more people behind me, but I'll stubbornly find my way anyway. I am going to shut up now and draw.
Also; I don't think it's far that Jay has a secret hidden journal and I put mine out for everyone to read. He can leave me a shitty comment about any of these subjects when he's brave enough to post his inner thoughts to the world. Everyone else can be free to judge though.
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| Those the perks |
[Monday
October 17th, 2011 at 12:24am] |
So my friends and fiancee ask me to doodle for them every so often or I'll volunteer if they have a neat idea that I want to try and hear they are having trouble; it's doesn't happen often, though I think that's more from the fact they don't want to bug me or be a burden and some just don't care for my style. I don't complain though and hardly ever say no unless I'm super busy or it's just not something I think I can do.
Actually, a lot of times I tell them that it's a perk to be friends/married to an artist for the free art.
It benefits them: because they get to share in my passion, they get free art work to hang on their wall, website, tattoo themselves with, whatever. It also gives us something to talk about and connect with cause I get to know the story behind what they want me to create [also a bonus for me.]
It benefits me.
With practice:
My teachers always told me, the best artists draw every day. Sometimes, I just feel in an inspirational rut. It's so amazing the deserve people I've surrounded myself with and their ideas can really help to break me out of my bubble with new ideas that I might not have come up with. New poses. New scenes. No objects...
With spreading interest in my passion:
Depending on how large or detailed the picture; for a few minutes, a few hours, or a few weeks I get share the creative joy with someone else and there's nothing better then seeing someones face light up when you are able capture the image in their head on paper. It's the same kind of joy the understanding sets in when I try showing people how to draw. It's is something no price can be placed on I feel.
With something new for my portfolio:
I like to keep a record of everything I draw to show my growth so I can look back and see just where I cam from and can show other people that I didn't just wake up one day able to do this. It took time and a lot of work over the years. It's also good one day cause I can show this to my future bosses, though I do get permission to do that.
Of course, there's always downsides.
With time:
There's no time limit and I only really stick to a deadline with friends if it's something I promised them for their birthday. With the many projects and ideas coming into my mind, sometimes somethings just fall lower on my priority list and my friends and fiancee understand that sometimes I might just not be in the mood. I'll still get it done though and typically don't leave people waiting forever.
With the end product:
A lot of the time my friends just tell me their general idea and set me loose to pick the style, amount of detail, color, etc... on my own. I'm always happy to make changes cause I want people to be happy with what I send back. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have a crazy imagination so someone can't really complain when given a realistic painting when they all they really wanted was a chibi/anime sketch when they weren't clear at the start. Course, I tend to show people my rough drawing to try and avoid this.
The positives far exceed the negatives in my head. To me, adding anything more to my collection of art work done is a huge bonus to me and one more step toward being better. I just love what I do and if I can share that with anyone, I really love it more. If I'm just drawing for someone, helping someone figure out how to draw for themselves, or just giving pointers or inspiration to others it brings a huge smile to my face.
^___^ Art makes me feel a huge variety of emotions and is one of those things that you can never be 'the best', but you can be 'good' and always improving. I hope it brings a lot of other people happiness and if I can help out with that one silly doodle at a time I will greatly give my heart to that task.
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[Sunday
October 16th, 2011 at 5:18am] |
So it looks like my excitement finally died down a bit and I've taken a break.
After a long couple hours chatting online with Katie and doing art work on the computer I finally passed out and spent today completely zapped of energy again on the couch. I had Jay to cuddle up to and he was such a dear and made me dinner, which I thought was super awesome considering I was just going to keep napping on the couch. He kept me warm under the blanket while watching television and pretty much zoned out and ended up napping on him until he got tired. I woke up to find him using my head as a pillow, so that's we both went to bed.
I really need more energy. I feel so bad not keeping up with house chores and they are so stupidly easy...and I have so much that I want to work on.I'll figure it out for sure. One good thing out of not having enough energy to go out is that I'm getting a lot more art work done. ^^ That's a positive right?
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[Saturday
October 15th, 2011 at 5:50am] |
OH. MY. GODDESS.
So when I was in Ottawa last Jay and Brandon were super lovely guys and let me invite Mat over to Brandon's house so we could work on comics while they had uninterrupted bro time playing video-games and grunting, or whatever else bro's do together. IDK. I wasn't paying attention.
ANYWAY.
Mat sent me the pages we sketched up together today [Friday] AND I'M SO EXCITED.
I feel like we have such a better grasp at how to do paneling and make a story progress visually when we are together then when I'm trying to figure it all out on my own. I understand what we can clip out without hurting the story, or show visually in one panel instead of several and Mat get how to frame it all prettify. Oh god, we are the best team ever.
I dove right into work when Jay went to bed and started going over everything while my friend Katie gave me such great encouragement that I was going in the right direction. This is going to look so lovely once I clean it up.
THE FIRST TWO ROUGHED OUT PAGES ARE UP ON MY TUMBLR. ALONG WITH THE CORRESPONDING LINE-ART I'VE BEEN WORKING ON. GO CHECK IT OUT NOW
Here: http://yaviyo.tumblr.com/
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[Tuesday
October 11th, 2011 at 1:55pm] |
It was a pretty alright thanksgiving. Had an awkward dinner at Jay's grandmother Mac and the feeling that she doesn't like me hasn't been shaken in the least. Had dinner at my own house that I made with Jay's help with Jay's other grandmother, my grandpa, dad, and Jay's dad in attendance. That was a lot more fun. Felecia came over after dinner and hung out for a bit and Dad spent the night so we could go to my Grandpa's house the next day for dinner there. That was more awkward then Jay's grandmother and I felt like I was chasing people and that left me pretty upset. I was already crampy and had no energy and whenever I went to a room everyone would leave to another. Jay was at work so I couldn't just hide with him and ended up sitting in the basement playing with the Ipad all night. Tried to do the dishes for people - apparently that side of the family doesn't understand manual labor. Got mad at my dad when he asked for my house keys quite coldly cause he just wanted to go home and aunt and uncle were going to drive him instead of waiting a few minutes for Jay to show up. I kinda blew up on him. Jay did show up and I ended up crying in his arms in the drive way for a few minutes and told him that I was tired and feeling sick and that since Dad NEVER asks 'how are you' I blew up and told him how I was feeling and that sparked dad to tell me that if I just wanted to make him feel like shit then he wasn't going to stick around. Yeah, cause telling you how I'm doing is suppose to do that. >> I just wanted him to know and maybe give a damn.
Jay helped me explain that to Dad.
Jay held me until I calmed down. Grandpa drove Felecia home and Jay and I drove Dad home. Felt a little better on the way back. Still really tired today and waiting for wow to stop doing its maintenance thing so I can level my new shaman.
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[Sunday
September 25th, 2011 at 2:27am] |
Still no energy so I played some wow around 8pm with my friend Robyn, not even doing anything big there so much as following Robyn around while she did event quests.
Called my grandfather and he offered to take care of all my expenses while I'm in Toronto, taking a huge burden off my shoulders and leaving me with one less thing to figure out. Dad still wants me to come see him for a few days, but with my energy level so low I don't know if I can right now...though he seems to be really lonely.
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[Saturday
September 24th, 2011 at 11:14am] |
I think I just need to stay in bed today. I feel so tired and weak as though I ran a marathon though I haven't moved anywhere except from the bed and the couch today. It was so hard to even get up knowing I had to eat something.
I just want Jay to come home and hold me. .__.;
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[Friday
September 23rd, 2011 at 8:55am] |
Jay finally called the lockwood clinic and made me an appointment for November 15th. I can't eat twelve hours before and the examination could take anywhere from three to seven days and I'm completely head over heels freaking out trying to figure out how I'm going to afford this...where to stay...what's going to happen...and whether I can ever get up the nerve to go in the morning when it does happen. My dad talked to my grandfather who said he would help me out with anything that I need, but I still don't want to ask for anything when he calls at noon and I haven't slept cause my neck feels funny and I just don't feel comfortable sleeping at night right now even though I have Jay around to curl up next to me.
I just want to walk outside and scream at the top of my lungs until my voice dies and then maybe just cry for a little while.
And I know I'm suppose to be looking for a job and working on comic stuff and my friends are bugging me for not being around or even online at all and I don't want to explain what's going on to anyone again since it's the same shit I've been dealing with for four years and I can't sleep from anxiety and insomnia and the fact that it feels like a hand is holding my throat 24/7 and I just don't want to be around people.
I'm really scared and trying to get threw the rest of this year alive and maybe find some answers for the lump on my thyroid, it's really hard to keep it together and while I'm the best at not showing how I'm really feeling. I just don't want to be anywhere that I have to 'feel'.
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[Friday
September 9th, 2011 at 1:13am] |
Feeling kinda sick today, apparently got my period. Didn't go to Toronto as planned since it turned out the Jay worked an extra two hours and we'd only be able to spend three hours in Toronto before having to go home. ;_; Another day.
In AWESOME news, went to shoppers drug mart today and bumped into Mr Poley - the most amazing teacher from my high school. At first we thought someone was calling to get Jay's attention, but then Jay realized they weren't and tugged my arm and when I turned around my jaw literally dropped. We stood outside the store catching up on everything going on with our lives and Jay teased me after we parted ways cause I was beaming I was so happy. Mr Poley said we should stop by the school for lunch since he's still teaching and the kitchen is open, so hopefully we can get around to doing that one day. I can't believe he's only 40yrs and has had five kids now. Talk about cool.
^__^ Okay. I'll stop gushing and go back to drawing. Feeling better now since I got some advil for my cramps so no worries on that. Also check out my tumblr for art stuff - http://yaviyo.tumblr.com/ <- spam spam spam.
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